It’s been a while..

I havnt wrote in what seems like forever.. I’ve lost the sight of what I am and what I want to be. Nothing is more beautiful than life right now. Everything seems to be in it’s place except for the “love” part of my life..  Which in all reality, it doesn’t bother me anymore. I’m okay with being alone. Yes, I do want a beautiful family in the future, but right now, I’m okay with doing me. I honestly wish I could start over the past 2 years and do it differently.

Maybe Zach and I would have turned out different, and ended differently or not at all. Maybe from the Begining, we would have realized that we are no good for eachother. But anything could have happened if you sit here and play with the “what ifs”, but I do it all the time. I do miss our memories terribly, but I know that there will be more to come.. And that’s what life is, passing memories. I have figured out who I am. I’m in the process of piecing myself back together.. But then I have flashbacks.. 

the smell of him; coming home from work and finding himself sleeping on the couch, riding bicycles to largo and back, my first run with him, first everything..  

and this makes me extremely upset.. And I feel as though if he would, we could be beautiful again.. But then I remember the bad, and I just go back to being depressed.. Then I look at what I have.. People around me who love me, a faster growing career, and myself. And this exact moment, I remember who I am and what I want from this world. This moment, I’m content with myself. These moments, I’m growing the love for myself I need so badly..these moments, I find the happiness I need; the light in the dark. 💜-MHC