Take Caution: fragile

Can’t focus on anything. There’s way too many things going on in my life. My mental and physical limits are beyond their maximum limits. Mentally, I can’t think straight. I have to slow everything down just to concentrate on a simple thing. My emotional state is messed up. Most of the time, I’m low. I’m so low that I feel absolutely nothing anymore.. And when I do feel something is hurt or anger. I can’t be at peace at myself because I hate everything about myself right now.. I don’t even know how to handle myself. I can just sit and cry for hours and feel no relief.. The only excitement I have is for this house.. Something that’s mine.. It won’t push me away or tear me apart. Even this excitement is getting old. I’m losing interest in everything. I feel as though I’ve lost my entire self identity and worth. Honestly, it’s a good day if drag myself out of bed and get ready.. Lately, I’ve just been rolling out of bed, no makeup and hair not done.
Everything is just spinning around me, nonstop. I’m trying to study for this CNA class, and I can’t remember anything I read. I can only read for 2-3 mins at a time and I have to stop.. Physically: I’m puking daily. Still eating, still have an appetite 40% of the time. I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, sick. My face is breaking out, very badly. I have sores on the inside of my mouth from stress. I guess losing this weight is a plus. the only thing I have found that has helped me take my mind off of things and makes me feel decent is hangout with my friends.. I know I’ll get through this.. It’s really freaking hard, but time will be the only healer. -MHC


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