Crying Myself To Sleep

I have never felt so alone as I do tonight. I absolutely cannot stand this.. Since I am a very selfish person, I have hurt the one I care most partner, my best friend.. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just be a good girlfriend and not hurt his feelings.. I know we clash.. And we don’t agree sometimes. We aren’t compatible.. We aren’t a match.. I believe things happen for a reason… What is the reason for this.. I end up back home at my parents, with my tail tucked between my legs.. And what is making me cry is that he doesn’t want me home.. He doesn’t want me there to bother him and to frustrate him.. Is it ridiculous that I miss him, to pieces and I hate myself for hurting him. I hate myself for not being a good girlfriend.. I care about him more than life, and I’m having to stay away for the weekend.. Maybe he is right, I’m way too over dramatic.. I’m a drama queen.. Everything is going to be okay.. We are going to get through this.. My parents ask whether I want to deal with all this fighting for 50 years.. I didn’t answer them.. Thinking about it.. I believe we are worth it.. I believe he is. If he is willing to, then so am I.. Ugh. Life can get so darn complicated sometimes. I have bills due that I can’t afford, not a dime to my name at the moment, and I’m not doing how well I want to be at work..I hate all of this.. I hate laying in a bed that I haven’t slept in for 7 months, and I hate being alone… I guess I’m just waiting for things to start looking up, whenever that happens..-MHC


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